On New Years day, I had a significant realization. As most of you know, I had to sell my home in March of 2021. And for the past year, I've felt weird about posting my old house, as if I was posting "our memories". I felt guilty for buying the same paint color, the same shelves, and essentially recreating everything.
But that house was mine. It was in my name. I built that accent wall and those shelves. I bought and picked out everything; designed and styled it with little to no input from the man who slept beside me. No joke - the only thing he owned in that entire house was the bed. Every pillow, rug, chair - every piece of furniture was mine and I should be proud to show off what I built...because I built it! It was all me. It was my vision.
So I don't know why, all this time, I've been attaching this place and these memories to another person. It wasn't our dream, our empire -- I just wanted it to be. It was mine all along. And yeah, it didn't work out and it sucks. However, I have a lot to thank him for, because before he came into my life I didn't even want an empire, and now I expect nothing less. I was fully content with an ordinary life, my basic 9-5 job, suppressing my talents and not following my calling... I never knew what I was capable of. I never realized that I wanted more for myself, and now I do.
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So when I finally found my dream house with everything on my wish list, I couldn't understand why it was taken from me in 9 short months. I eventually found my own place months later -- a 2-bedroom condo with a ton of potential -- and when I first moved in I had set everything up almost identical to the way it was in my first home. And at first, that was really difficult for me.
Fast forward to 2022! I've been here for 6 months now, and I finally realized something important. Home isn't a place, it's a feeling. It's not about where you live, but the essence of your surroundings. I just stopped typing and it's 11:11 on the clock as I looked up -- so I know I'm on the right path with this...
I manifested that house. I bought it because the interior had everything I wished for and dreamt about. It was a blank canvas. A gift from God. The foundation upon which I built this entire brand, website, small business and social following. So why not recreate that? I loved everything about that house, so why wouldn't I use it as my inspiration and paint these new walls the same color? Why wouldn't I recreate my 8ft long open shelves and paint the same colorblock arch -- but this time, make it even better!
I think I just found my new 2022 resolution. It feels like new life; like I've finally freed myself from the sadness tied to this situation. I don't need to own my own house or keep replaying the loss and feelings of grief over my old one. Instead, I'm going to celebrate it and continue to capture and replicate the essence of what I loved most in that home, while continuing to evolve and rebuild.
New year, new vision! This is going to be a fun twist...
XO,
@kyliewhitespace
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